Wednesday, February 26, 2003

i am at work being very important because that’s what general managers do.

i was promoted at the end of January. interesting. Why is it when you vie for something so vehemently—and you get it—it’s never as exciting as dreaming about it. This is the “next in line theory.” Much more exhilarating being next than actually being ‘there.’

i am a novelist.

i’m not really, but it’s kind of like looking in the mirror and saying, ‘i am thin. i love my body. everything is okay in that mirror there.’ it’s bullshit. of course. So, it seems i shall not be happy until i can say, ‘hi, i’m kristen—a thin novelist.’ i wonder if i should get some kind of schedule in place for this, so the thin and the novelist culminate at some planned pinnacle moment.

i need to make my travel plans a reality. i need to go home for easter. i am having visitors in march: mark and roberta and then jacquelyn and joanne. My house is comfortable for visitors. some houses are not. and that sucks. particularly when one forgets that when one invites friends to visit . . . and they say yes. but my house is v. comfortable and that’s nice.

i think i’m done making new friends. it’s really exhausting. i like the people in my life now. there are people that are important to me all over the world, so i’m going to take a year and visit them all. i am finding, actually, the easiest people to communicate with are ex-boyfriends. easiest because it’s the least work: no responsibilities, i remember loving them, which is, you know, nice—kind of charming “how sweet, he must be nice, i used to love him,” they’ve seen you naked, so there’s no bullshit. none. can’t do it. they endured a breakup with me. they endured a relationship with me. old friends, whether they’re ex-boyfriends or not, are like perfectly worn 501s. they remind us we’re important.

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