Saturday, November 09, 2002

ah, well . . .the therapy pays off . . .evolution and peeling of proverbial skin . . .i still completely attribute any and all fucked up personality traits and character flaws to my parents - namely my mother . . .but as this is too text book to be true, i don't want to lay blame . . . it's completely uninteresting to do so . . .therefore, i'd prefer to identify and link dots vis-à-vis behavior patterns . . . embrace any and all eccentricities (although, i would never believe i was that intriguing . . .i have a handful of good friends who believe to the point of betting their savings on it that i am . . .weird, eccentric, eclectic, enviable . . .i will accept all titles of this genre as it makes me feel unique and therefore special . . .but i think i'm pretty straight and plain.) for me - it's all about wearing a size 6, weighing less than 130 pounds and having long hair. secondary - money and nice places to spend it.

i am base.
not interesting or eccentric.
i do not wear purple hats - literally or figuratively.
i love my parents.
i love my sister.
i hate my parents.
i hate my sister.
i eat corn out of the can.
i skip breakfast.
i fantasize about singing in a band, winning a gold medal and getting "discovered."
i have hands covered in eczema.
even at size 6 and 128 pounds - i am still "fat."
people hurt my feelings daily.
i am obsessed with perfection - a clean house, bills paid on time, immaculate . . .everything, receiving hourly kudos at my job.
i am obsessed with my job.
i am obsessed with being a famous novelist - appearing on charlie rose and larry king live. (i don't want to do the morning shows.)
i think i am sometimes pretty in an old-fashioned, roman nose sort of way.
i think i should be someone's wife.
i think i should be someone's mother.
alas . . .therapy is about revealing the truth to yourself . . .everyone else can just wait . . .and wait . . .and wait . . .there is no obligation to be brutally honest with the rest of the world.

can you imagine . . .

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